Living life should be filled with epic moments

Genevive had excess egg whites, so decided to make pavlova. I’ve never made it, I’ve never eaten it. It never interested me...egg whites whipped in to a meringue with fruit...not the first thing I would chose off a menu. But we are talking about Genevive ....famous for exploring the boundaries of her cooking. So now the uneventful dessert with a bit more effort  was elevated with a reduction of strawberries, cherries, sugar, amaretto, and almond extract..also homemade creme fraîche ,topped with more fresh fruit and toasted pistachios. Epic! Those moments only happen when you leave the safety of the middle; when you take risks. 

My brother is the Doctor Doolittle in the animal world. They love him. He has had several dogs over the years, and has the perfect set up for a dog..he lives in no mans land with his cows, owns a property improvement business that would allow him to keep his companion with him... and yet he is alone. When I ask him why he hasn’t gotten a dog...he says that he suffers too much heartache when they die. I think he forgot the years of joy and loyalty they offer. To me it’s worth testing the boundaries of my emotions . A person can not understand great joy without experiences great sorrow. That’s when you feel most alive.  We live in a world of impermanence. 

I was friends with a woman who was recently divorced. The sadness she felt after the divorce prevented her from opening her heart. The Dalia Lama says: “love and compassion are necessities not luxury. Without them humanity cannot survive.“ She died feeling alone.

Thanks to my crazy husband I’ve done things that were never on my radar. John loves to climb. When I met him I had done very little climbing, and never on ice. Please Before I knew it I was fully decked out in all the latest gear...crampons, ice axes, helmet, backpack, and the best technical clothing Patagonia made...what we were doing was not a place to be cheap. He taught me climbing technique. 

Many weekends we packed for the mountains . As I improved , I learned to love it. You would often find our car at Frankenstein cliff: a cascade. There, ice flows like frozen hair draped over the mountain. The route John liked was called Dracula’s tomb...you get the idea that these are not warm and fuzzy places. It was great training for Mt Washington. 

I was still a green climber, John had his eye on Huntington ravine, I—the naive climber said “sure”. We started at 7 in the morning only to stop for bagels. John has 3 loaded with cream cheese. I had 1 with jam. Just on the hike to the base whatever benefit I would garner from my breakfast was used up! 

John was getting our gear ready, and I was staring at monumental mountain that would swallow me whole. When you’re ice climbing there’s the lead climber (John) who sets the route with ice screws the second (me) follows and cleans the route. Until you summit, the descent is generally off to the side and steep through the woods. To my surprise it was mixed climbing (both rock and ice) something I’ve never done. With ice you have these razor sharp axes that penetrate the ice. Half way up the ice disappeared. I panicked and call to John , what in the world do I do now His response was; there is a small patch of moss put your pick into, It will hold you. A patch of moss... trust a patch of moss!? Sometimes you need blind faith. 

At that point the sun was setting and we were far from the top. When we summitted it was dark and getting colder. John decided the fastest way down Lion’s head trail was on our butts.. called glissade, gortex is amazingly slippery on ice. Now I’ve been on this trail in the summer. It’s curvy, there are drop offs. At this point I only saw what my headlamp was showing  me. John went first and showed me that I control my speed with the ice axe by dragging it into the snow. And then he was gone in a instant. So there I was alone , in the dark, on the most daunting mountains in the East. Panic? You betcha. Did not see John until the bottom. I was exhausted and starving. We still needed to hike out to the car. Half way there I collapsed ... and yes I sat in the snow and cried. John had to double back to find me. “So how’s the 1 bagel with jam serving you “ I had nothing left! We finally got to the car.... and didn’t speak the whole drive home. Did I think that I was too green to be on that route? Absolutely. Do I regret doing route with my husband.? Not at all. It was an epic day .... the route was called “damnation buttress “ Doesn’t that say it all!” That day meant so much to me… I have asked that some of my ashs be spread there

Going beyond your comfort zone is what makes life electrifying. 

Whether its in the kitchen, risking the eventual death of a pet, or with love or an adventure with your spouse. Those are the memorable moments.

I have been out of my comfort zone for years... open the bakery, triking, finally getting a therapist, blogging about very personal stuff . Each time I do, I am always grateful. It makes me a better person.

John is building a deck that can accommodate my needs. This is a custom deck for a comprimised wife. He know how much I love to be outside. I need my vitamin D. Everything he does is epic. And I am the beneficiary. 

Now I am dying. My abilities are shrinking. My approach to my death has not strayed far from the way I lived. I made the most of this process. I threw myself a party. I spent great evenings with great friends over great food. I marched forward into the lion’s den and faced my fate head on. It will be my last epic moment.