My dumping ground ... no judgment

This section on the blog is where I have tantrums and fail miserably at being noble. Ive said...ok ...be honest I’ve screamed and cried, “THIS IS SO UNFAIR” but who ever is in charge has not put in his/her hearing aids.

I was having vision issue with my left eye. Sometimes sight was blurry and other times the eye went dark. I could bring the sight back to normal but only after drowning myself with water. The thought of losing my vision was tipping the scale of my sanity. 

I called my neurologist...about 5 times before I could get an appointment and only after agreeing to see an optometrist first. I knew it was a blood flow issue. I told the nurse it was a blood flow issue, but I’m just a patient. 

Finally I get my MRI. Ive had dozen of these and never had a problem in the tunnel. This one was 11/2 hrs so I got a little ancy. Now because of the strokes I have spasticity which gets worse when I’m uptight. So when the technician pulled me from the machine, the first thing he said was, “are you upset with me” Apparently I was giving him the finger!    

Then the neurologist meets with radiology and discusses the results. So my doctor came in the room and says “you look better than I expected, and you speech is not that bad” what the heck does that mean??  Of course I fully expected this to be cancer related and was prepare to hear about a tumor.

 I didn’t expect to hear what was really going on. When you have a thrombosis the main vein get a clot and in my case they won’t touch it. This creates uneven pressure in my head and can prevent good blood flow. Over the past 6 yrs brain cells have been dying. Effectively the damage is growing. There is only 1 drug that can slowdown the problem. I took it once and had a out of body experience in Whole Foods.

This sucks and I have yet to find a reason for all the shit that’s happened to me. I want to believe that this gives me the right to prop myself up on pillows in my chaise  lounge dispersing wisdom.  But all I feel is a growing empathy for myself and all the suffering in the world. Maybe all this suffering is creating a brilliant star who will shine when I’m gone. So far she has given me hope that this is not without reason 

On a more positive note…life is good post surgery lol